Happy Birthday Al Akid
Wednesday, 26 February 2025
@February 26, 2025
"I still remember this picture vividly to this today"
Dear Akid,
Tomorrow is your birthday, and even though we don’t talk anymore, I still find myself thinking about you. I don’t know if you ever think of me, but a part of me always wonders just for a moment if you’ll reach out. I know you won’t, and I know I shouldn’t expect you to, but the thought still lingers.
I’ve been thinking about you more lately, not just because of your birthday but because there are still pieces of you that stay with me. I thought time would erase them by now, but some memories don’t fade as easily as I’d hoped. Maybe it’s you that I miss, or maybe it’s the feeling of being close to someone who once knew me so well. Either way, I can’t deny that you were one of the best gifts life ever gave me—and losing you was one of my greatest griefs.
You were my home—the place where I felt safe, understood, and at peace. No matter how chaotic the world was, I always found comfort in you. And maybe that’s why losing you felt like losing more than just a person; it felt like losing a part of myself. You were my forever home, or at least I thought you were. But sometimes, life has a way of showing us that even the places we believe we belong aren’t meant to shelter us forever.
I keep telling myself that I’ve moved on, and in many ways, I have. But then moments like this remind me that some feelings don’t just disappear, even when a relationship ends. Maybe it’s just the habit of remembering, or maybe it’s something deeper. Either way, I’ve learned that healing isn’t a straight line, and sometimes, missing you is just part of the process.
I’m not writing this because I want things to change, and I’m not expecting anything from you. I guess I just needed to let this out somewhere. No matter what happened between us, you were an important part of my life, and I can’t pretend that your birthday doesn’t remind me of that.
So, wherever you are, I hope you’re happy. I hope life is treating you well. And even though I won’t say it out loud, I do still wish you a happy birthday.
And if one day we cross paths again, I hope you still carry the memories we shared. I know I always will—because some people, no matter how far they drift leave an imprint that time cannot erase.
Take care and Happy Birthday my favourite person.
Sincerely,
Anicha
No contact
Tuesday, 7 January 2025
@January 07, 2025
No contact is a battle I never wanted to fight. It's brutal - silence where there was once laughter, distance where there was once closeness.
It's choosing every day not to reach out, even when your whole heart aches to. But sometimes, the hardest thing is the right thing even it feels like it's breaking you.
Letting Go.
Monday, 16 December 2024
@December 16, 2024
Healing is a continuous choice of holding on, and letting go, until you realise setting them free is the greatest gift you could give them and yourself. So, if you find yourself falling back for them, do no fret. This is normal and what will inevitably lead you to finally letting go. It's not just about to find a peace again. It might take you a few tries, but that's what letting go is. It's letting go and the holding on again. It's trying to stand back up, only to fall back down.
Because, in the end letting go is the gift of freedom. Freeing them from who you need them to be and freeing yourself from your need to them. This is an act of liberation beyond yourself. It ripples into their lives as well (even if it doesn't mean to). It's creating an environment for everyone to win.
No Longer may 5th with you.
@December 16, 2024
Letting go doesn't happen when we have reasoning or permission to let go. Letting go happens when we come to terms with the fact that someone wasn't our person, that a relationship wasn't our forever, that we have to move forward and go into the world and find those who want to love us and care for us, because we deserve it. And isn't that something we can give to ourselves?
And this is a difficult emotion to hold within a human heart; this is a difficult lesson to learn. It is okay to find this heavy, it is okay to struggle with moving on from the unknowns. But we have to forgive people for not being able to love us, or leave us, the way we deserved to be loved and left. We have to forgive human beings for not being at a point in their own healing or emotion to be gentle with our hearts. We have to forgive the people we have lost for leaving the way they left.
Because when we forgive the situation, we say:
"While this may hurt and while I may never understand why I had to break this way, this circumstance cannot, and will not, keep me here in this hurt. It will not keep me here in this feeling, in this resentment, in this pain. I choose to let this pain go. I cannot keep this ache alive inside of me. I have to feel it, acknowledge it and let it go. I have to move forward, I have to give myself permission to allow the chapter to go unamended, to allow the loose ends to stay loose, to not grip at needing a perfect conclusion, but rather to rewrite my healing and my story in a way that allow for me to go out into the world and find what I truly deserve.
To find what was actually for me.
5.7.2024 such a meaningful date to me but now it becomes a memory"
Struggle.
Tuesday, 2 July 2024
@July 02, 2024
It is okay to be at place of struggle. Struggle is just another word of growth. Even the most evolved beings find themselves in a place of struggle now and then. In fact, struggle is a sure sign to them that they are expanding; it is their indication of real and important progress. The only one who doesn't struggle is the one who doesn't grow. So, if you are struggling right now, see it as a terrific sign - and celebrate your struggle.
You
Friday, 4 August 2023
@August 04, 2023
When you are ready to put your heart into this world again, do not look for the same kind of love you have experienced: resist the urge to compare the human beings that come into your life to the ones that have left. Because the truth is two loves will never be the same.
Love is a like fingerprint, curated between two individual souls, and within that it is always its own rare and beautiful thing, those moments in time. in moving on, in dealing with the breaking and the rebuilding of your heart, you grow. You become a different person, and in turn the love you need, the love that will nourish you and inspire you and meet you where you are now - that grows as well. That changes.
When you are ready to put your heart into this world again, do not look for the kind of love you recognize, for the kind of love that mirrors something that did not beat the odds. Instead, search for the kind of love you need - as you are, in this season of your life.
Do not compare it or doubt it when it arrives, it will be different. It always be different and it will say your name differently, and it will laugh differently, and hope differently, and you will make different memories within it: you will feel it in your bones in a way that you won't be able to express, in a way that will feel new and somewhat scary, but right. Do not seek familiarity, do not keep searching for your past in your future. Trust what comes.
Cut off people
Wednesday, 22 March 2023
@March 22, 2023
Somehow, it pains me to cut people off. Like the feeling of contemplating because they've been a part of me. Tolerating because they played the important roles in my life. But then came disrespect and betrayal. It's too easy to find a reason to leave them behind and go forth on our own. But no one talks about how hard it is to decide whether you'd do it or not. You trust them like they're your family. You knew you gave out your best to please them. You made efforts to keep them. Only to clamp your heart with the brokenness. I feel hurt that I need to cut off the significant persons in my life just to save myself. I guess, not everything is worth fixing. People really just come and go.
I'm too good enough for them
@March 22, 2023
You were good enough for them.
They were not good enough for you. The memories that you have, they have them too. The fun you had, they had that with you too. The love you gave, they have felt it. I know it seems like you didn't mean anything to them, but that's not true.
They loved you too. But… not all love is the same. Your love was strong. You gave and gave and gave. You wanted them to be happy. You worked hard for the relationship to work. You put them first. You have grown a heart so big, you kept loving them even though you didn't get the same kind of love in return. You would never give up on them, and that's beautiful.
And again, they loved you too. But… their love wasn't selfless like yours. It wasn't unconditional love like yours. It wasn't powerful enough to work through difficulties. They loved you in that moment, but they never grew a heart like yours. They put themselves first. They thought of their own needs before yours. Most of all, they turned blind for all the love that you gave. Right now you feel like you didn't do enough. That you were not good enough.
That if you would try hard enough working on yourself, then you could fix this. Please hear me out. YOU were the strong one, YOU were the selfless one, YOU were investing all you could, YOU saw through their flaws and loved them anyway. You weren't perfect, but your mindset was. And now you're hoping that they will come back, that they have realised they made a mistake. That if you decide to move on and not wait for that to happen, that you would then be the one giving up on the relationship.
That you would give up on them. But you are not. THEY ARE THE ONE GIVING UP, not you. You will lose a person that wasn't selfless, that wasn't strong, that wasn't investing all they could, that didn't know how to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Their love is the one with shortcomings, not yours. They are losing the person that would have stick with them through everything, the person that was much more than what they deserved. You were good enough for them. They were not good enough for you.
2023
Wednesday, 4 January 2023
@January 04, 2023
Fear less, hope more, eat less, chew more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more, hate less, love more, and good things will be yours.
2022
Monday, 14 November 2022
@November 14, 2022
2022 lessons;
- You can’t please everyone (yourself included) all of the time.
- The people who are best for you will listen to you and hear you.
- Those who care about you won’t leave you wondering where they are when you need them
- Working on how you see yourself through your own eyes is a lot more productive than trying to change how others see you.
- There’s time to change your mind even if it feels like you’re making a big leap from where your plan started.
- If you have a bad feeling about someone, there’s usually a good reason.
- Rest when you need to even if it takes time out of your day that you could be using to do something else.
- A good cry can be more healing than you’d think.
- Your relationship with food is important and eating isn’t always easy, but it’s worth the healing process to get better.
- Things very rarely go according to plan, but that doesn’t mean it’s for the worst.
2020
Thursday, 2 April 2020
@April 02, 2020
Hello,
All I know is that I've wasted all these years looking for something, a sort of trophy I'd get only if I really, really did enough to deserve it. But, I don't want it anymore, I want something else now, something warm and sheltering, something I can turn to, regardless of what I do, regardless of who I become. Something that will just be there, always, like tomorrow's sky. That's what I want now, and I think it's what you should want too. But it will be too late soon. We'll become too set to change. If we don't take our chance now, another may never come for either of us.
I Don't Know
Monday, 16 July 2018
@July 16, 2018
When you don’t know what you’re living for, you don’t care how you live from one day to the next. You’re happy the day has passed and the night has come, and in your sleep you bury the tedious question of what you lived for that day and what you’re going to live for tomorrow.
Find someone.
Tuesday, 3 July 2018
@July 03, 2018
Find someone who loves you well. Someone who never belittles you. Even in the heat of an argument. Someone who is gentle with you, but does not treat you like you are fragile. Someone who knows what are you capable of, and celebrates those pieces of you. Not someone who is intimidated by your strength. Someone who doesn't make you feel guilty for being flawed. It is not love's job to punish you. And remember the person you love is just as broken as you are when they fall short. No one is perfect, do not hold them to this standard. Find someone who is patient, forgiving, and apologetic. Someone who practices forgiveness freely and often. Love someone who is humble, kind and empathetic. Not only with you, but with a beggar on the street, or a stranger in the supermarket. Common courtesy is important. Compassion is important. Kindness is important.
Every single day.
Sunday, 14 January 2018
@January 14, 2018
Today is the day that I decide to start over, to change, to create a new reality, to make my life better than it has ever been before, to allow better experiences, to be more positive." I honestly tell myself this thing, or something along these lines, pretty much every single day. Up until a couple of days ago I used to think it was a bad thing …like I always say ‘I’m starting now’ and then the next day I’m starting again etc, and it would frustrate me a lot. Until I realised that every day you have to make this kind of choices, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing or that you’re doing something wrong. Just the opposite, it means you’re making conscious choices to create your own reality. Therefore, every experience you have is a result of this. So keep promising to yourself daily that you’re going to be more positive, kinder, more allowing .. and BE.
Sometimes.
Monday, 18 December 2017
@December 18, 2017
Sometimes lost love is a lesson. We realize who we are, or who we’ve strayed away from. We realize the patterns, the habits we’ve fallen into. We realize how far we’ve wandered from the truths we’ve built our lives upon, or the people we’ve pushed ourselves to be. We realize that in being with a specific person, we’ve lost sight of our goals, our plans, our purpose. We realize that, even though we may have loved someone with the entirety of our being, loving them has hurt us rather than helped us. And as much as we care, as much energy as we’ve put into the relationship, as much time and heart we’ve invested, sometimes it’s healthy and necessary to walk away.
Sometimes lost love is a healer. We find ourselves wandering in the wake of our breakups. We find ourselves faltering, unsteady, confused. We find our feet no longer know where to tread, or our hearts seem to beat out of sync. We find that we don’t quite know who we are without that other person beside us. But then, we also find our lives are shifting in beautiful, powerful ways. We find that what has cracked us has not destroyed us. And we learn, day by day, piece by piece, to assemble our souls back together again.
Sometimes lost love is a teacher. After a breakup, we take steps away from who we were—individually, and with that person—and learn who we can become without them. We discover the strength in making our own choices, in carving our own futures. We create new rhythms to dance to, new melodies to hum. We take what was broken and let it soften us. We learn that love is not dependent upon a specific person, but a feeling we have in our chests when we choose to fall into someone, when we choose to create and believe and embody that feeling in our hearts and actions every single day.
Sometimes lost love is a reminder. Of who we are. Of our worth. Of the impermanence of this world and how we can forever continue to move forward, despite what’s been destroyed in the past. Of the possibility we have to be someone else, to be with someone else, to start over, to find something far more beautiful than what was.
Sometimes lost love is a blessing. Because despite the pain in our chests, despite the ways our lives have fallen apart, despite all that we believed we would have forever, we’ve learned there is plenty more to look forward to, many more lips to kiss, and an abundance of new beginnings with lovers who will value us, rather than leave.
Sometimes lost love shatters us, but not permanently. For each time we break we rebuild.
Time.
Wednesday, 8 November 2017
@November 08, 2017
Time doesn't heal wounds. Time doesn't change things. What time does is giving us, you know, time. Time to look back at the past and reflect. Time to forgive people and also, ourselves. Time to muster up our courage and stand up on our feet. Time to make things right again.
Farewell.
Tuesday, 7 February 2017
@February 07, 2017
It hurts everyday, the absence of someone who was once there. Farewell, my friend.
At the end.
Thursday, 2 February 2017
@February 02, 2017
At the end of each day, be thankful for what has occurred. Each experience that we encounter helps us to grow and develop into the people whom we are meant to become. Painful experiences will make us stronger, positive experiences will make us kinder. Even the most puzzling experiences will make us wiser. So, be thankful. You would not be who you are today if you hadn’t experienced your past.
Vibes.
@February 02, 2017
Life will not always hand you exactly what you were hoping for. But with the right mindset, anything can be made into a positive. So, believe. Release good vibes. Have faith that what ever happens, something good will blossom.
Go.
Friday, 13 January 2017
@January 13, 2017
Let them go, there are better stories to be a part of and they cannot begin until you let them go.
Times.
@January 13, 2017
There are times in our lives when we are swept over by raging emotions, times when we overwhelmed by sadness, overcome by misery. Times when we feel that we are loved only for the things that they could get from us and not for who really are.It is natural to feel this way. Sometimes we all need to be alone, to feel blue, to feel lonely, to listen to a song, and cry.
Freedom.
Tuesday, 20 December 2016
@December 20, 2016
There's a moment when thing are finally okay that you realize that you can't remember what the hurt felt like, you can't remember if it's been weeks or months since you felt like you were drowning in the nothingless, "Empty, numb, hopeless" don't mean what they used to, you don't have to lie to yourself when you say things will be okay. The feelings that bound you to dreading life have come unknotted. This is the freedom you've been searching for.
Life.
@December 20, 2016
They tell you life is hard but you still expect it to be easy. You still feel like you'll never make it every time something hurts you.
But the thing is, life is hard, sometimes it makes you cry until you have nothing left in you. Sometimes you'll feel like you're breaking into a million pieces you'll never be able to repair.
But the other thing is, somehow, scattered through all that, are moments that make life worth it, look for those moments, live for the moments.
I.
Thursday, 24 November 2016
@November 24, 2016
I wish I could rewrite my life the way I rewrite my stories. I’d add more suspense and action, but at the end, I would be happy and people would realize their mistakes. I would fix those conversations that I replay over and over in my head. Replace those stupid comments with something a bit more witty, funny, and everyone would always reply the way I want them to.
Finally.
@November 24, 2016
Sometimes, you go through something and it hurts and you don't know if things are ever going to be okay again. But then days go by and you don't feel like crying and you wonder what it means that you're fine.
You think maybe you're ignoring your emotions and that they'll come back out of no where. Until you're driving home from work, singing along to the radio and wondering what you'll have for dinner, and you realize you're happy. Maybe that thing didn't break you because you're stronger than that. Maybe you can survive anything. Maybe you finally want to.
Life.
@November 24, 2016
They tell you life's hard, but you still expect it to be easy. You still feel like you'll never make it every time something hurts you, but the thing is, life is hard.
Sometimes it makes you cry until you have nothing left in you. Sometimes you'll feel like you're breaking into a million pieces you'll never be able to repair.
But the other thing is, somehow, scattered through all that, are moments that make life worth it.
Look for those moments, live for those moments.
Past.
Sunday, 13 November 2016
@November 13, 2016
It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it's so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn't come back. You're left so alone that you can't explain.There's nothing like that, is there? I've been there and you have too. You're nodding your head.
Exchange.
Sunday, 6 November 2016
@November 06, 2016
Sometimes you just feel everything and nothing all at once. Sometimes you'll find yourself smiling while missing something at the same time. At times you can absolutely love a person, all the while wanting to hate them. Life comes without guarantees. Except that smiling will brighten your face, laughing will exchange your eyes, and falling in love will change your life.
Expected.
Thursday, 27 October 2016
@October 27, 2016
Sometimes you think you want to hear someone say something about how they feel about you, etc. But, trust me once they actually do, you'll wish they didn't because you will either feel so guilty about making them feel that way or it won't be what you expected. Either way, its heart break all over again. But, once you stop caring, once you stop trying to get them to say what you want to hear, that's when you know. That's when you officially don't love them anymore. It'll hurt either way though.
Do it.
@October 27, 2016
Do whatever brings you to life, then. Follow your own fascinations, obsessions, and compulsions. Trust them. Create whatever causes a revolution in your heart.
You.
Saturday, 1 October 2016
@October 01, 2016
Dear readers, nothing could ever be more valuable than you and your life. Use circumstances to your advantage. Choose joy, even when you don’t feel like it. You have a purpose. You have worth. You are seen and heard.
Don't worry.
Monday, 1 August 2016
@August 01, 2016
Why do we cry, why do we care? Why does it hurts to break and tear? Every wound eventually heals, it bleeds then scabs and mends and peels. Every heartache fades away, you'll forget it more day by day. The clouds may rain hard but the sun shines too, Every pain is temporary, just like you. You're number of days, you are here to leave. So don't waste your time to just sit and grieve.
It will be okay again.
@August 01, 2016
If there's one thing I learned from you, it's that everything passes. Hurt passes, pain passes, disappointment passes, unabashed happiness and days full of laughter and you and I pass. And love passes too. No matter how you love someone, even it feels like there is no much of an existence without them, it will pass. And you will be okay again.
Maybe.
Friday, 17 June 2016
@June 17, 2016
Maybe all this was meant to be. Maybe fate and coincidence had conspired long before my birth , maybe they were writing my destiny in the stars before I even walked the earth. Maybe, just maybe, this is how things are supposed to be.
Growing up.
Thursday, 16 June 2016
@June 16, 2016
At this age, everything is changing. Day by day we don’t notice, but just look back over the past year and you will realize everything has. People you thought were going to be there forever aren’t, and people you never imagined you’d be speaking to are now some of your closest friends. Life makes little sense, and the more we grow the less sense it will make. So make the most of it now, before it all changes once again, because in the near future, all of this is only going to be memories.
If I could.
Thursday, 9 June 2016
@June 09, 2016
Sometimes late at night I think about all the things that have been, all the things that haven’t been and all the things yet to be. If my heart could explode into a billion tiny pieces and scatter themselves all over the world.
If I could live on sunlight and the city sounds and fall asleep in those thousands of lighted windows. I wonder if this world will ever make sense to me, if I will ever truly understand anything and if there’s really anything to understand at all.
It goes again.
@June 09, 2016
There it goes again. That heavy feeling in your chest when you don’t feel any desire to speak or move. All you want to do is close your eyes and sleep, because the process of being broken is incredibly exhausting. You attempt your best to make your days fulfilling, but no matter how hard you try you can’t seem to connect to anyone or anything.
Trying.
Tuesday, 17 May 2016
@May 17, 2016
For the rest of my life, I will always wonder why things
seemed to be so unfair. I will always want to know what I did to deserve what
happened to me.
I will always wake up thinking everything is okay, later on
realizing that it isn’t, and that it most likely never will be. I will cry
about it, and I will be angry.
I will always have problems trusting people.
I’ll never think that anything will last. Friendships, and relationships, all
of them just seem doomed. But I still try. For the rest of my life, I will try.
No one.
Saturday, 30 April 2016
@April 30, 2016
No one has the right to tell you who you are and control your life, cause it's yours.
Your life is meant to believed by no one else but yourself.
We sometimes let people get the best of us, destroy us and change our opinions on what we believe is true.
Only you know what is right for yourself, you have the power, you make the choices and learn.
Each experience we go through in life is a lesson to be learned.
We all make mistakes, why is it so hard for someone to understand ?
No one should be judged by the mistakes they have made,
It's past news.
Everything happens for a reason, and without the hard times, how would we ever realize our true strength ?
It's only through a time of suffering when we realize how strong we truly are inside, when we realize how much we can actually put up with and deal with before we eventually break.
Decision.
Saturday, 19 March 2016
@March 19, 2016
You know, sometimes we make decisions about our life and they feel like the right decision at the time.
No, they are the right decision at the time.
But that doesn't mean they'll be right decisions forever, and you know what I've realised as I've gotten older?
There isn't a definite right and wrong anyway.
Sometimes we do what seems wrong but we have good reasons for doing it so it's not so wrong after all.
The truth is.
Friday, 11 March 2016
@March 11, 2016
I constantly wonder how my life looks in other people's eye. Do they think I have it easy? Do they think I have nothing going on for myself ? or are they fascinated with who I am?
The thing is that no one will ever know my whole story. No one will ever know the things Ive had to overcome. Not even my closest friends, not even my own family.
The thing is that people are so quick to judge nowadays.You only see a person from what they want and allow you to see. I always try to look as put together as if can and I guess thats my way of hiding from the truth.
It's just that way, everyone will assume that everything in my life is okay, that I never go through anything. If only everyone knew how broken I am, and how Im holding on for dear life on this one last strand thats recently become very delicate.
The truth is that no one will ever know me and sometimes that scares me, because no one will know why I am the way I am.
Days.
Thursday, 14 January 2016
@January 14, 2016
Everyone always talks about how its normal to have bad days, but nobody ever says anything about the okay days, the days where everything seems lackluster and dull, the days where you know that you could be productive if you tried but you just don’t feel like trying, the days where the things that you love just seem like a waste of time.
In some ways, its worse than having a horrible day because at least there’s a reason for a bad day. If you’re having an okay day, you’ll survive.
Just because today doesn’t seem particularly interesting doesn’t mean that you are suddenly destined to have a boring life. You must learn to put one foot in front of the other and focus on making today count towards tomorrow.
Maybe today was just okay, but tomorrow can be a little better, and next day a little better than that, and so on until you are exactly where you want to be.
Life has its ups and downs, so you must learn to move with it instead of being reluctantly dragged through life.
Today was just okay, but tomorrow will always come.
Happiness
Saturday, 9 January 2016
@January 09, 2016
The problem with people like me is that we care too much.
We break our hearts into pieces and give them away, until they're all gone. And we try to live with the broken hearts and broken souls we are left with. We sacrifice our own happiness to make others smile. But in the process we lose ourselves.
We extinguish the sparks in our eyes and the fire in our bellies in order to fuel the dreams of others.
We are the people who laugh at the end of every sentence and place a smile face at the end of every text to make sure our friends dont think we are mad when we say thoughts and quiet voices, refusing to speak our minds at the fear of hurting another's feelings. We are the people who would give our own life to save a stranger.
The words " I'm sorry " have a home on our lips. Always ready to apologize for something we never did. Because to us, an apology is better than losing the people we care all too much for.
The problem with people like me is that we care too much.
And the problem with people like me is hat, deep down, we really dont care at all.
We spend all our energy breaking our hearts into pieces and scrapping our knees and extinguishing the sparks in our eyes to make other people happy that there is nothing left for ourselves.
And when it comes down to it, we really dont care what happens to us. So long as everyone else is happy.
We care too much about others.
And we dont care 'bout ourselves at all.
What love is.
Monday, 21 December 2015
@December 21, 2015
Holding people away from you, and denying yourself love, that doesnt make you strong. It makes you weaker (anything). Because you're doing it out of fear.
You have to take chances. You have to know when to let go and know when to hold on with everything you've got, and that's what makes us who we are.
Taking risks, that's living, being too scared even to try; that's just a waste.
We all make alot of mistakes, but we shouldnt regret things. Because at least we didnt spend a life standing outside, wondering what living would be like.
